No Spare Keys to the Fantasy
By: Drew Kalsto
Now more than ever, the question of the ego comes into play. Given how prominent social media, looks, and vanity have become ingrained in the individual’s life, whether or not emulates an ego or confidence is a question that strikes many. In a world riddled with unelected bureaucrats, political disarray, and suppression of the anti-norms, finding the keys to the fantasy is more important than ever.
No spare keys to the fantasy.
A phrase that was created, nurtured, and breastfed by yours truly. Now, it would be egotistical for me to not credit the central aspect of this saying by giving credit to the origins of the idea of ‘fantasy.’ Fantasy has long represented what it represents in my phrase. Living the fantasy, feeling the fantasy, sweet-sweet fantasy (baby)... whichever your pick may be, the fantasy represents feeling oneself. You’re feeling your fantasy.
To a… heterosexual man… this may read as hieroglyphics, so I’ll explain further. Feeling one’s fantasy is to be confident… to believe in your story, your progress, your movements, and your choices. It’s more than a belief: It’s a cherishing, a celebration, and a powerful sense of confidence in yourself. Enter my iteration of the fantasy:
No spare keys to the fantasy.
No spare keys represent the exclusivity of your own fantasy. It was born from this anxiety I’ve constantly had throughout my life that I’ve been learning to ditch: One that worries about people misunderstanding me and what I’m trying to say. What my clothes, style, words, and choices mean in conjunction with who I am. You may feel the same anxiety.
Once I came up with this phrase, I realized quickly that we cannot live in this space of worry… because it doesn’t make sense. There’s always going to be a fear of being misunderstood if you’re doing something worthwhile. All art is subjective, and if you’re truly a multi-faceted, interesting, intriguing, charismatic, unique person with nerve and talent, you will never be universally understood.
People still look at Van Gogh and disagree on what message he was conveying with a particular painting. People still read lyrics to a song that’s been published for years and disagree on who or what the words are about. If the message you intend to convey is special, it should be expected to be misunderstood.
Hence, there are no spare keys to the fantasy. This phrase is a simple way to tell yourself that it’s okay if no one gets what you’re doing. And given this is a forum dedicated to fashion, it’s more integral to one’s style than ever before. What you wear has always been a talking point for people to hate, judge, or love an aspect of yourself. Our fashion choices send messages whether we intend to or not.
When you are running late to class and hurrying to pull on a pair of Brandy Melville sweats with an oversized Aerie hoodie, you indirectly tell a story of your day. People obviously won’t know exactly what story that is, but it can be interpreted in a multitude of ways: They don’t care about fashion at all. They were running late and didn’t have the time. They buy their style from brand curation. They don’t care enough to try. They just seem tired today. There’s also a good chance someone won’t give you the time of day when they look at your outfit. That’s where your own intended message comes in. You might think about what your appearance tells today. Are you trying to look a certain way, come off a certain way, etc.
The bottom line is that your outfit is a part of your own fantasy… and no one has the keys to the fantasy but you. Some people can look through the windows, see it from an obscure angle, and form perceptions based on that… but they don’t live in your mind. This is where you can escape and find freedom in fashion through fantasy.
I LOVE an alliteration. Can you tell?
Examining myself as an example… I used to dress based on what is expected of a male presenting person in this society. Certain silhouettes, cuts, and shapes appealed to me, but I hardly moved outside the harsh societal lines we often find ourselves in. However, living by rules I didn't agree upon would be a disservice to me. The same can be said for you. If you want to dress in clothes that don’t seek to rock the boat, that’s your fantasy. If you want people to look at you like you’re a freak more often than not, welcome to my fantasy.
In a way, it’s cheesy, but ‘no spare keys to the fantasy’ is a long-winded way of being yourself, and unconditionally loving who you are and were meant to be. It would be a disservice not to specially highlight the queer community in this conversation, because largely our identities and how we present ourselves are consistently targeted, ridiculed, and burned for witchcraft. But the truth is that the queer community is the most exclusive fantasy out there, and that’s exactly what this community deserves.
The transgender dolls, existing in their most authentic form… they own the keys to their fantasies. Transgender men, non-binary people, the gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and every other group within our ever-growing community represent the core of what ‘no spare keys to the fantasy’ means. And if we are to not only survive in the conditions laid out for us moving forward, we must remember that there are no spare keys to the fantasy. We must live authentically as ourselves, be proud of it, and truly feel the fantasy.
In a lot of ways, my confidence and the creation of this ideology come from my influences within the queer community. Trailblazers of owning their fantasies like Freddie Mercury, David Bowie, Madonna, Lady Gaga, Elton John, Rupaul, etc. And even people outside of the queer space that have continued to inspire me and millions of others: Janet Jackson, Paula Abdul, Kylie Minogue, Judy Garland, Liza Minnelli, Diana Ross, and Cher.
Crystal Lebeja, Willi Ninja, Angie Xtravaganza, Pepper Lebeja, and Dorien Corey. These are important figures I highlight in terms of the fantasy because, of all those stars I just listed, we hold them differently. We hold them as legends because they made it in the world and were appreciated and have continued to be appreciated as history has gone on. The names I listed at the top of this paragraph are famous queer icons that still are not known well enough who genuinely exemplify the fantasy in its fullest form.
In the film Paris is Burning, they talk about wishing to be special and beautiful and rich just like the straight, cis-gender models in Vogue… but realize they cannot because of their sexualities, gender identities, and the lack of tolerance from society. However, they make the point to continue to strive to feel and live their fantasies. To be beautiful, to feel special, to feel opulent. They did it behind closed doors, but in doing so, they opened the doors for us to live freely.
So, in a world burdened with unelected bureaucrats, political disarray, and suppression of the anti-norms, remember that above it all, there are people who have worked so hard to make this world a lot easier to feel the fantasy in… and that you should always remember that it’s your fantasy to live… and there are no spare keys.
In your fantasy, anything can adorn your body if it feels right for you. A certain top… a dress… a particular aesthetic… The truth is that once straight men laughed at gay men for wearing shorts with an inseam shorter than five inches… and now I see those same straight men wearing shorts that are tigher and shorter than mine. Once, people laughed at men who painted their nails. Once, people said transgender people were a stain in society… and now Alex Cosani dominates the runways on every major high fashion platform. Men who wore women’s clothes were laughed at, and now most normal people don’t even bat an eye.
In my own short life experience, every time I have sought to wear something outside of a safety zone where I knew people would judge, mock, and belittle me… it didn’t make me feel better letting those perceptions negate my choices and my life. It didn’t make my life any brighter or worthwhile folding to fear. The only real answer was, and still is, to let the fantasy take over.
Most people are too slow and simple minded to see the beauty in existing and dressing in freedom… the brilliance in existing and styling oneself in alignment with the fantasy. They can’t appreciate the details, the references, the choices in style and expression… So why would you care what they think?
Owning the key to your fantasy is entirely within your means, and all that’s stopping you is what other people might think…?
That’s no way to live… and they could only dream of possessing a key to the fantasy, couldn’t they?
(If they’re the ones judging you, or laughing at you… darling, they never will).